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In relationship counselling there is a common theme of one or both feeling unloved and unappreciated within the relationship. It is really tough when one person says to the other “I am not feeling loved”, this generally leads to the receiver of the news to feel confused as they believe that they show/tell their partner that they love them all the time and can generally run of a list to how they do this.  No wonder they are left confused as they are talking a different love language. They show their partner love in their own language and not the language of their partner.

Dr Gary Chapman has written many books on relationships and the one that stands out for me is the five love languages, once you learn your partners language of love your relationship will change and become more fulfilled. Because you are talking love to your partner in their language and not in yours, they will be left feeling loved and appreciated and you would most likely never hear them say the words “I don’t feel loved” again.

The five languages of love are:

Words of affirmation – Compliments are important, the words I love you will send the heart racing

Physical touch – hugs, pats, holding hands, affectionate touches

Gift giving – This is the thoughtfulness behind the gift and not the gift itself

Quality time – Undivided attention with no distractions.

Act of service – This includes doing the dishes, vacuuming, going food shopping all of those things that take the daily pressure off of the other.


Most of us have a fondness to all the love languages and all of them should be displayed within the relationship, just one or two stands out more than the others. If you are unsure of what your love language is there are many online quizzes you can take to find out yours. Just a little tip, it might be fun to do this with your partner as you can imagine the richness in the discussion this could bring about for the both of you and a greater understanding of each other’s needs.

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