Couples Therapy/Relationship Counselling in Cairns
Relationship Counselling or couples therapy is not only for when things are in dire straits. You get your car serviced. You go to the doctor for checkups. You clean your home. Your relationship should be treated with the same respect so that it doesn’t break down.
We are not given a manual to follow when we start a relationship. We make it all up as we go and it is a mix of the beliefs and modelling we have had in childhood.
If you had a dysfunctional family then what are you bringing to your relationship? If you had a fantastic family what are you bringing to your relationship? Are you both on the same page!
It is never too late to sit down together and talk about how to handle the big stuff that comes up in relationships, i.e. money, kids, siblings, in-laws etc. You need to have a virtual roadmap as a guide for your relationship to follow so you don’t end up running in two different directions. A relationship counsellor can help you to establish the roadmap without conflict or emotion clouding the process.
5 things to consider BEFORE seeing a relationship counsellor.
- Are you both happy to attend? It is often better to approach the discussion of attending counselling at a time when you are not in conflict. That way you can sit down and rationalise why it is important to you and to your relationship. When done at a time of conflict, invariably one person will becoming defensive and feel they are being blamed for everything.
- No quick fix. Don’t expect to “fix” everything in the first session. The initial session is more about both of you getting to know the counsellor you have chosen and them you, so that you are all comfortable working together. If either partner doesn’t feel heard or supported by the counsellor then you may need to look at seeing someone else. It is vital that both partners are happy with the chosen counsellor so that a quick and successful outcome can be achieved.
- Think about the outcome you desire. Before you enter into counselling, be sure to think about what it is you want to achieve individually and as a couple. Be open to changing the goal posts once you start counselling – flexibility is the key to a successful relationship and the end result may not be what you believe it should be when you first start.
- Your counsellor is not a miracle worker. Your counsellor is there to support you, guide you and work with you to work through any issues, provide you with tools and techniques to refer to in the future and create a situation where both partners feel heard and capable of putting all aspects into practice. Your counsellor is NOT responsible for your behaviour. They cannot control how you choose to act or any actions you do or don’t take.
- Growth begins outside of the counsellor’s office. While you may feel vulnerable during the sessions with your counsellor, that vulnerability isn’t something you should hide from your partner once you return home. Being able to remain open to each other, keeping the conversations going and utilising what you have been shown are the keys to creating a successful outcome for your relationship and will continue to benefit you in the long term.
If you feel your relationship could benefit from an outside perspective and support, please feel free to book a session with us to get you on the way to a loving and respectful relationship.